I just wanna run away.. run away from everything. I wish i could run away to a place where it won't hurt me. I wish i wasn't crying right now..

♥ 9:32 AM

Wow, December already? Time moves so fast. Even when it's impossible , even when it gets hard, but pass it does. Few more days till a whole new year begins. I don't know about you guys, but i CANT WAIT for 2009 to end. Cause HELL, it's been the worst year for me , yet.

Where to start? I really have no idea. But rather than bore you with every detail of my life since back when I abandoned blogger. I’ll sum it up best that I can.

Well the last few weeks of my life have been a real roller coaster. Actually that’s an understatement. My life was torn apart, ripped at the seams a little while back. And there’s no point pretending; it hurts, it still really hurts. Not all the time, but those quiet moments when I’m alone and my mind starts to wonder, or when I see all my friends and how happy they are in all their relationships, or just the randoms on the street holding hands. I used to have that. And the thing that hurts the most is the fact that it wasn’t mine or even his fault that it ended; it was an outside force. A fucking outsider that had to fuck up everything that was perfect in my life, everything I ever wanted. And also that because of them, I’ll never have it back. Ever, I just know it. Ouch.

You know I can’t even think of anything else to write. I feel in a way worse because I’m suddenly reliving these moments and feelings that I’ve been trying so hard to push to the side. But I figure it’s better to get it out.

♥ 9:42 PM

Rick Price - Heaven knows

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up 'til I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know

And though she's so far away
It just keeps gettin' stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin' me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all this time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows
Heaven knows
Heaven knows




To a person like me, the warm memories i shared with someone, it seems like it is not easy to wipe away. It's very stupid but... after giving you up i just realized the importance of your existence in my heart.

It's been a month now, and never before have i thought that it could be possible but here i am, still standing. It's your birthday today, but it's not the same birthday in a sense for me , & i think you know why. But anyway, Happy Birthday , E.

♥ 2:14 PM

I feel like crying in the rain, where no one else can see me



It took longer than i thought it would for that smaller, broken part of me to cry herself out. It happened, though, and i was eventually exhausted enough to sleep. Unconsciousness did not bring full relief from the pain, just a numbing, dulling ease, like a medicine. Make it more bearable.

I know that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going be a part of me now. Time would make it easier--- that's what everyone always said. But I didn't care if time healed me or not, cause i know that's just BULL. Whoever came up with the concept that 'time heals everything', that's just full of BULL. Because even if the pain has gone away, the scar will always remain.

♥ 3:51 AM

Okay, so i've been on hiatus for quite some time now.. Sorry, wish that i could make it up for it. Things happened, and most of them have gotten out of hands, but I've had nothing to write.
Although so many things have been happening in my life since I entered matriculation. I just haven't found the will to write again. Nothing, whatsoever. It saddens me to think I cannot conceive my regular bunch of crap stuff, mushy posts, those true to the heart stories and those ever so personal things that come from my very soul.

Nothing.


So i've just watched 'The Ugly Truth' last night with my boys, Qayyum & Johan. Probably the funniest romantic comedy ever, though it did involve some adult jokes. :D

♥ 8:09 PM

♥ 8:56 AM

♥ 2:37 PM