2 AWESOME YEARS<33
A YEAR AGO : 31st May 2008
"31st May 2007 is the date to be remembered for me. as of today, my one year of anniversary with him, i figured that i should make a blog about us, about how it started. i mean, why shouldnt i right? after all , this is the kind of relationship i have been longing for. a serious and long relationship. so supposedly, it means somthing right?
it began in the year 2004, i was in form 1 and he was in form 2. i had an itsy bitsy crush on him.. okay fine. maybe a HUGE crush. we had some talking on the phone atleast twice a week. we would laugh a lot throughout the whole conversation. i thought dat he felt the same way for me, but then one day, he did something that crushed my heart into pieces and made me really upset. so i decided not to talk to him anymore. and so, it ended. the year later, he transferred to SRI INAI school.
later in 2006, it was in june, i received a text msg from a guy claiming dat he is ehsan hani. i was surprised that he has got my new number while i dont even have his. n i dont remember giving out my number to any of his friends. for a few months, we msged eachother quite a lot . he was the one to started it first of coz
he was kinda being desperate and all, calling me sweet names and stuffs. but too bad for him i wasnt interested with him like i used to back then. i started to ignore his msgs at times.jual mahal la kannn. LOL. it made him upset so in december, he finally gave up. haaaaaaaaa tu lahhhh.... KARMA KARMA! ;p
it was the first day of school in 2007, i noticed a familiar face. the face which i had been eyeing on when i was 13. yeah it was him. it got me wondering why he didnt tell me he was going to transfer back into this school. oh yaaaaaaa i forgot. he was still mad at me for didnt layan him sangat last time okay la i have to admit, i kinda regret for not doing so becoz i realized he was quite good looking jgak lahhhh (takyah nk bangga lebih aite syg). i got home n instantly grab my phone n msg him telling him that i saw him at school . he only replied with a realy short sentence. okay so that's when i got a hinch that he was still mad at me in just a few weeks, we bumped to eachother quite a lota times but didnt even look at eachother's face. well of coz i did look at him a lot when i had the chance to without him noticing it i just couldnt stand us not talking to eachother as if we were strangers. so i decided to msg him again one day. to my surprise, he replied back with a smiley . you dont need to be a genius to guess how my reaction was that time right. haha. and so, we constantly kept on smsing everyday. but somehow, it 's so hard for us to say HI at school. so our everyday routine of msging eachother eventually leads to calling eachother sweet names and stuffs.he gave me a nickname of "Sandy" which is the name of the squirrel in Spongebob Squarepants (dont ask why) .he would even call me using his dad's phone. n talk about everything. 3hours of talking on the phone feels like it has only been 3minutes. biase lah. dah love struck kann. well as they say, we were like "scandal" for quite awhile. somehow, we knew how we felt for eachother without even confessing. duh it is prettyyy obvious isnt it? i remembered he volunteered to walk me home in March. when we finally arrived near my house, i told him to get back home before my mom sees him. he told me to come closer to him, when i did, he suddenly pinched my cheecks and ran off. i was smiling the whole time after that
so as the days past, i realized our feelings for eachother just couldnt be denied anymore .we are in LOVE <3 we would always hangout at the kedai mamak MAJU with his friends. we begin to act like as if we were a real couple, although we werent that time . how i wish to ask him why he didnt ask me to be his gf though, but i just dont want to ruin what he have. so i just kept quiet. then finally,on 31st MAY , he called me asking me to be his gf. finally! it took you that long huh?!
the things that always seem to make me so drawn to him is..1. the way he teases me like a little child
2. the way he doesnt really show that he loves me but when he does, it really
shows and made me feel so touched :)
3. how he would tell his friends about me and didnt want me to know about it but
i eventually will find out about it
4. how he would sing to me when we talk on the phone
5. how he doesnt want me to know how easily jealous he could get sometimes ;p
6. the tone of his voice whenever he answers my call
7. of course, he would always crack me up with his stupid jokes
8. whenever i get one of those mood swings, he would cheer me up
of course we do have our ups and downs at times. i mean.. whoever said that being in a relationship is easy? it takes real commitment to keep the relationship in smooth sailing up to a year. not to mention, patience.. and believe me! being with ehsan here , you most probably need a LOT OF PATIENCE. haha
he is LOUD,annoying, impossible.. i had never imagined myself being in a relationship with someone who is just the total opposite of my kind of ideal guy..haha not exactly the kind of Mr Right which i had in mind. but as weird as it is, i really do think that we really are perfect for each other. how ironic isnt it? to tell you the truth, i tend to get easily bored being in a relationship..but this guy here, always has something up his sleeves to keep me entertained. .and i thank Allah to have found him"
A YEAR LATER ; 31st May 2009
As you all know, i've posted a blog in myspace about our 1st anniversary exactly a year ago, but that brings us to the present world, where we are right now, which is a year later.
So basically , in my last post , i've already explained about how we met, about how it all began. So as of today, for my 2nd anniversary post, i'd only like to utter some words, so i'll just try to make it short and simple.
What i'm really trying to say here is that .. i'm grateful. Grateful for just getting the chance of having him in my life, even if this will last for just 2 years, even if everything ends. I may not know what life is going to lead us to in the future, i may not know where this is all going to. But no matter what happens, i'll still be grateful; because the times of being with him, were the happiest times of my life. Of course, i haven't braced myself for anything worse that's going to happen to us, and sure, even if the worst did happen, the pain may be unbearable. But try as i may, i'm still going to be grateful, because it happened, because i know it's worth everything. I've experienced a profound tenderness like i never thought i could feel. I've became the happiest girl like i can never imagined to be. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I'm thankful to have met him.
Before you, Ehsan, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars --- points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire; there were brilliancy, there was beauty. I seem to see the world as a better place when you're with me, because i now truly realize what LOVE meant. Happy 2nd Anniversary :))))
♥ 2:07 AM
Have you ever entered a room knowing that everyone in the room is watching you? 200 eyes eyeing on you? Have you ever felt that people are staring at you , observing you, as you were walking? I can't say that i'm not concern about what others may think about me, because i am. But try as I may, there are times when i just don't give a damn.
What really ticks me off is to know how judgemental people can be. Being here, i'm surprised to find out how people can be so inclined to make judgements, STUPID judgements, what, based on physical appearance? I 'm appalled to see the abundance of close-minded people around here. Stop being so kampung la, we're living in the 21st century already.
Just because i don't wear tudung, doesn't mean i have different intentions than yours of coming here.. And just because i come from a big city , or as they like to label me as 'budak KL', doesn't mean i'm any different from you people. Unless, you guys still want to stick to that stupid theory of yours, then that would be a different story.
♥ 4:08 PM
I'm always concerned about others and what they expect from me, and that, results in how easily stressed i can be. I often feel stressed, but most of those heavy expectations come from my own head ! i'm worried about my own needs.
♥ 11:02 AM
Truth is, i'm scared, worried, HORRIFIED. It's like this bad feeling has been lingering inside me for so long and wouldn't go away. And these feelings i have, are usually right. I haven't braced myself for anything that's gonna happen, good or bad, i am not ready to face any of those yet.
What if you sincerely believed something is true, but the truth is, you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn't even consider the truth? Would the truth be silenced, or would you try to break through?
My last day with them before i leave
♥ 7:52 PM
I am not as strong as people give me credit for. I always let my emotions get the best of me. I've been through a lot that should have finished me in the last few days. Alhamdulillah, i'm still standing, but it didn't make me feel strong. Instead, i feel horribly fragile ; like one word could shatter me. After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating?
I wish i could be more like him, but i'm not. I don't keep my emotions to myself like he does. People can easily read me, and likewise, i can read people, but somehow, i find it hard to read him. I'd give anything to know what's on his mind, to know what he's feeling, to understand him.
♥ 5:16 PM
April was not as bad ! Not as bad !
It was true, last month wasn't as bad. This wasn't the end of the world, not again. This was just like one of those roller coaster rides that go up , down, then up again, then way down, not to mention the loopty-loop parts. It was just one hell of a ride, that was all. Not as bad, I agreed, then added BUT BAD ENOUGH!
Decisions, decisions, decisions.... Questions are flying everywhere but the answers are not popping up. I am tired of being torn between difficult decisions!! And who knows what May has in store for me , could there be anymore difficult decisions? Or will i ever find the answers to my questions?
I guess we'll find that out soon enough.
♥ 11:38 PM