Life is a sum of all choices

fuck 2009

2009-12-27T09:32:00.003+08:00

You broke my heart, so what else do you wanna break?

I just wanna run away.. run away from everything. I wish i could run away to a place where it won't hurt me. I wish i wasn't crying right now..

FUCK 2009!

FUCK IT HURTS!

2009-12-05T21:42:00.002+08:00

Wow, December already? Time moves so fast. Even when it's impossible , even when it gets hard, but pass it does. Few more days till a whole new year begins. I don't know about you guys, but i CANT WAIT for 2009 to end. Cause HELL, it's been the worst year for me , yet.

Where to start? I really have no idea. But rather than bore you with every detail of my life since back when I abandoned blogger. I’ll sum it up best that I can.

Well the last few weeks of my life have been a real roller coaster. Actually that’s an understatement. My life was torn apart, ripped at the seams a little while back. And there’s no point pretending; it hurts, it still really hurts. Not all the time, but those quiet moments when I’m alone and my mind starts to wonder, or when I see all my friends and how happy they are in all their relationships, or just the randoms on the street holding hands. I used to have that. And the thing that hurts the most is the fact that it wasn’t mine or even his fault that it ended; it was an outside force. A fucking outsider that had to fuck up everything that was perfect in my life, everything I ever wanted. And also that because of them, I’ll never have it back. Ever, I just know it. Ouch.

You know I can’t even think of anything else to write. I feel in a way worse because I’m suddenly reliving these moments and feelings that I’ve been trying so hard to push to the side. But I figure it’s better to get it out.

heaven knows.

2009-11-22T14:14:00.000+08:00

Rick Price - Heaven knows

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up 'til I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know

And though she's so far away
It just keeps gettin' stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin' me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all this time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows
Heaven knows
Heaven knows

To a person like me, the warm memories i shared with someone, it seems like it is not easy to wipe away. It's very stupid but... after giving you up i just realized the importance of your existence in my heart.

It's been a month now, and never before have i thought that it could be possible but here i am, still standing. It's your birthday today, but it's not the same birthday in a sense for me , & i think you know why. But anyway, Happy Birthday , E.

parrot

2009-10-22T03:51:00.004+08:00

I feel like crying in the rain, where no one else can see me

It took longer than i thought it would for that smaller, broken part of me to cry herself out. It happened, though, and i was eventually exhausted enough to sleep. Unconsciousness did not bring full relief from the pain, just a numbing, dulling ease, like a medicine. Make it more bearable.

I know that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going be a part of me now. Time would make it easier--- that's what everyone always said. But I didn't care if time healed me or not, cause i know that's just BULL. Whoever came up with the concept that 'time heals everything', that's just full of BULL. Because even if the pain has gone away, the scar will always remain.

The Ugly truth

2009-09-19T20:09:00.002+08:00

Okay, so i've been on hiatus for quite some time now.. Sorry, wish that i could make it up for it. Things happened, and most of them have gotten out of hands, but I've had nothing to write.
Although so many things have been happening in my life since I entered matriculation. I just haven't found the will to write again. Nothing, whatsoever. It saddens me to think I cannot conceive my regular bunch of crap stuff, mushy posts, those true to the heart stories and those ever so personal things that come from my very soul.

Nothing.

So i've just watched 'The Ugly Truth' last night with my boys, Qayyum & Johan. Probably the funniest romantic comedy ever, though it did involve some adult jokes. :D

OH, AND HAPPY RAYA EVERYONE :D

2009-09-18T08:56:00.001+08:00

An Overflow of Words

I've gambled on many different fields. Negatively.

on this — the biggest, despite all these while,

being proved right. Always, always.

So just this once — really want to be wrong

sure feels a lot better.

But that's just wishful thinking on my part

as much as I love my little fairy tale

I believe God will give me strength

— enough to stand

and walk forward when the inevitable happens

Until I find my answers — until then

Please

let me hold on

give up

2009-09-06T14:37:00.001+08:00

I GIVE UP ! That's it .

2009-08-23T10:11:00.004+08:00

Congratulations to Cousin Katrina & Lesh :)

My first cousin to ever getting married. Wonder who's next ? :P

Stronger, but aint better

2009-08-11T21:30:00.001+08:00

STRONGER, but ain't better.

is it just me, or does it seem like its the break-up season for everyone ? everyone else but me that is.

Mistakes?

2009-07-27T21:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I really look at how things are around me. Or with myself. And what I find, I don't like at all. That, and I realize I've been making more mistakes than a normal person would recently.

These past few months, i 've never felt a profound unhappy feeling. I didn't like that feeling. I should pull myself together again. I didn't want to feel so heavy. It shouldn't feel that way. But that's wishful thinking. I have no control over what my heart wants to feel.

I have so many things in life. So many. They always make me happy.

Except when they're not. Making me happy, that is. Or rather, when I'm just not. Last few month, I was not. I hoped everyone would leave me alone so I can sort things out. Dislike, annoyance, disgust and perhaps even hate were building more and more everyday inside me. These nasty feelings are angled and directed to many things. I can't exactly say what exactly. Myself, people, situations, etc. It's shitty, I've never been this much of a troublesome (hateful) person, yknow, despite the occasional hypocracy and lying fronts. Heh, I'm no saint.

But things have tremendously changed now. I am once more happy again. To be back home, to be with my family , friends, and Ehsan. It's like i'm in a vague dream i had before. It's true when they say that "You will never know what you've got till it's gone". Before the legendary Michael Jackson left us, people had mocked him , made fun of him, made use of him. Now that he's gone, people have finally realised how big the world's loss of him. Despite that he was a really weird dude when he was alive, he was definitely a legend, and his legacy will forever live on.

unlucky

2009-07-26T00:41:00.003+08:00

I have flaws, but i make them beautiful...

As seasons progress, things don't change , we do, for the better or worse. You'll just have to accept the fact that you probably won't see that person as the ol' person they were the last time you saw them.

Okayyy, talk about random.

Today has probably been my most unlucky day.
First, i knocked my dad's new favourite car. the damage was PRETTYY bad,
but to my surprise, my dad didn't get mad at all! so maybe i've got my luck back on that part
that makes me love him even more :))

Korean Addict

2009-07-21T22:54:00.004+08:00

CURRENT ADDICTION

BOYS OVER FLOWERS
OMG, i 've got the korean addict syndroms, YES, i am now officially a Korean Drama addict !
Highly contagious people!

2009-07-19T17:54:00.004+08:00

I've got a feeling...

I'm HOME ! For 2weeks baby. Thank God for civilization!

Boy do i have so much to tell

First and foremost, i think i can finally learn to get used of living there. I know i was being overly emotional about living in hostels and all, but hey, there's first time for everything right.

AND speaking of first time, Mom, Dad and Myra said i've gained weight. "Sara macam dah berisi dah sekarang, especially your arms. What have you been eating there?" Never did it occur to me that i'd be hearing those words , all my life, i had thought that the only time i'd gain weight is when i 've become a mother of 5 children. Nevertheless, it was kind of a good news for me . For most girls, it'd be the other way round. HAHA

2009-07-09T16:22:00.002+08:00

I knowww, this is the longest i've been away from blogging. But you can't possibly blame me for it, knowing the internet connection here, and the schedules which i'm packed with. But not to worry, for my mid-semester break starts NEXTWEEK , which means i can make it up for not blogging so much :) but first i'd have to go through stuipd exam. GRRR. Till then :)

Hopeless

2009-06-12T21:16:00.005+08:00

" I died inside, I'm a shell outside, a ghost in my eyes "

Nothing feels right, everything seems so wrong .. Decisions have been made, but i'm still having 2nd thoughts, no wait, scratch that, 100th thoughts. This nagging thought has been in my head since day 1 up till today, and i've been here for over a month. I know that i still have a chance to make things right, to make my regrets go away, but how can i do that without being concern about my parents' feelings? I love them too much to make them be dissapointed again. I could at least try right?

I need to leave.

I need to just somehow run away.

I'm not worthy.I've done irreversible things.

I need guidance.

I just need someone who knows me. Who does anymore? Even I don't.

It's a good thing i have you , baby. Or else, i don't know what i'll become. You're the only thing that keeps me sane.

2 years :)

2009-05-31T02:07:00.005+08:00

2 AWESOME YEARS<33

A YEAR AGO : 31st May 2008

"31st May 2007 is the date to be remembered for me. as of today, my one year of anniversary with him, i figured that i should make a blog about us, about how it started. i mean, why shouldnt i right? after all , this is the kind of relationship i have been longing for. a serious and long relationship. so supposedly, it means somthing right?

it began in the year 2004, i was in form 1 and he was in form 2. i had an itsy bitsy crush on him.. okay fine. maybe a HUGE crush. we had some talking on the phone atleast twice a week. we would laugh a lot throughout the whole conversation. i thought dat he felt the same way for me, but then one day, he did something that crushed my heart into pieces and made me really upset. so i decided not to talk to him anymore. and so, it ended. the year later, he transferred to SRI INAI school.

later in 2006, it was in june, i received a text msg from a guy claiming dat he is ehsan hani. i was surprised that he has got my new number while i dont even have his. n i dont remember giving out my number to any of his friends. for a few months, we msged eachother quite a lot . he was the one to started it first of coz
he was kinda being desperate and all, calling me sweet names and stuffs. but too bad for him i wasnt interested with him like i used to back then. i started to ignore his msgs at times.jual mahal la kannn. LOL. it made him upset so in december, he finally gave up. haaaaaaaaa tu lahhhh.... KARMA KARMA! ;p

it was the first day of school in 2007, i noticed a familiar face. the face which i had been eyeing on when i was 13. yeah it was him. it got me wondering why he didnt tell me he was going to transfer back into this school. oh yaaaaaaa i forgot. he was still mad at me for didnt layan him sangat last time okay la i have to admit, i kinda regret for not doing so becoz i realized he was quite good looking jgak lahhhh (takyah nk bangga lebih aite syg). i got home n instantly grab my phone n msg him telling him that i saw him at school . he only replied with a realy short sentence. okay so that's when i got a hinch that he was still mad at me in just a few weeks, we bumped to eachother quite a lota times but didnt even look at eachother's face. well of coz i did look at him a lot when i had the chance to without him noticing it i just couldnt stand us not talking to eachother as if we were strangers. so i decided to msg him again one day. to my surprise, he replied back with a smiley . you dont need to be a genius to guess how my reaction was that time right. haha. and so, we constantly kept on smsing everyday. but somehow, it 's so hard for us to say HI at school. so our everyday routine of msging eachother eventually leads to calling eachother sweet names and stuffs.he gave me a nickname of "Sandy" which is the name of the squirrel in Spongebob Squarepants (dont ask why) .he would even call me using his dad's phone. n talk about everything. 3hours of talking on the phone feels like it has only been 3minutes. biase lah. dah love struck kann. well as they say, we were like "scandal" for quite awhile. somehow, we knew how we felt for eachother without even confessing. duh it is prettyyy obvious isnt it? i remembered he volunteered to walk me home in March. when we finally arrived near my house, i told him to get back home before my mom sees him. he told me to come closer to him, when i did, he suddenly pinched my cheecks and ran off. i was smiling the whole time after that

so as the days past, i realized our feelings for eachother just couldnt be denied anymore .we are in LOVE <3 we would always hangout at the kedai mamak MAJU with his friends. we begin to act like as if we were a real couple, although we werent that time . how i wish to ask him why he didnt ask me to be his gf though, but i just dont want to ruin what he have. so i just kept quiet. then finally,on 31st MAY , he called me asking me to be his gf. finally! it took you that long huh?!

the things that always seem to make me so drawn to him is..

1. the way he teases me like a little child
2. the way he doesnt really show that he loves me but when he does, it really
shows and made me feel so touched :)
3. how he would tell his friends about me and didnt want me to know about it but
i eventually will find out about it
4. how he would sing to me when we talk on the phone
5. how he doesnt want me to know how easily jealous he could get sometimes ;p
6. the tone of his voice whenever he answers my call
7. of course, he would always crack me up with his stupid jokes
8. whenever i get one of those mood swings, he would cheer me up

of course we do have our ups and downs at times. i mean.. whoever said that being in a relationship is easy? it takes real commitment to keep the relationship in smooth sailing up to a year. not to mention, patience.. and believe me! being with ehsan here , you most probably need a LOT OF PATIENCE. haha

he is LOUD,annoying, impossible.. i had never imagined myself being in a relationship with someone who is just the total opposite of my kind of ideal guy..haha not exactly the kind of Mr Right which i had in mind. but as weird as it is, i really do think that we really are perfect for each other. how ironic isnt it? to tell you the truth, i tend to get easily bored being in a relationship..but this guy here, always has something up his sleeves to keep me entertained. .and i thank Allah to have found him"

A YEAR LATER ; 31st May 2009

As you all know, i've posted a blog in myspace about our 1st anniversary exactly a year ago, but that brings us to the present world, where we are right now, which is a year later.

So basically , in my last post , i've already explained about how we met, about how it all began. So as of today, for my 2nd anniversary post, i'd only like to utter some words, so i'll just try to make it short and simple.

What i'm really trying to say here is that .. i'm grateful. Grateful for just getting the chance of having him in my life, even if this will last for just 2 years, even if everything ends. I may not know what life is going to lead us to in the future, i may not know where this is all going to. But no matter what happens, i'll still be grateful; because the times of being with him, were the happiest times of my life. Of course, i haven't braced myself for anything worse that's going to happen to us, and sure, even if the worst did happen, the pain may be unbearable. But try as i may, i'm still going to be grateful, because it happened, because i know it's worth everything. I've experienced a profound tenderness like i never thought i could feel. I've became the happiest girl like i can never imagined to be. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I'm thankful to have met him.

Before you, Ehsan, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars --- points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire; there were brilliancy, there was beauty. I seem to see the world as a better place when you're with me, because i now truly realize what LOVE meant.

Happy 2nd Anniversary :))))

sa-rang-ham-ni-da nan<3

Does it pay to be judgemental?

2009-05-22T16:08:00.002+08:00

Have you ever entered a room knowing that everyone in the room is watching you? 200 eyes eyeing on you? Have you ever felt that people are staring at you , observing you, as you were walking? I can't say that i'm not concern about what others may think about me, because i am. But try as I may, there are times when i just don't give a damn. What really ticks me off is to know how judgemental people can be. Being here, i'm surprised to find out how people can be so inclined to make judgements, STUPID judgements, what, based on physical appearance? I 'm appalled to see the abundance of close-minded people around here. Stop being so kampung la, we're living in the 21st century already.

Just because i don't wear tudung, doesn't mean i have different intentions than yours of coming here.. And just because i come from a big city , or as they like to label me as 'budak KL', doesn't mean i'm any different from you people. Unless, you guys still want to stick to that stupid theory of yours, then that would be a different story.

2009-05-17T11:02:00.001+08:00

I'm always concerned about others and what they expect from me, and that, results in how easily stressed i can be. I often feel stressed, but most of those heavy expectations come from my own head ! i'm worried about my own needs.

goodbye KL

2009-05-10T19:52:00.003+08:00

Truth is, i'm scared, worried, HORRIFIED. It's like this bad feeling has been lingering inside me for so long and wouldn't go away. And these feelings i have, are usually right. I haven't braced myself for anything that's gonna happen, good or bad, i am not ready to face any of those yet.

What if....

What if you sincerely believed something is true, but the truth is, you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn't even consider the truth? Would the truth be silenced, or would you try to break through?

My last day with them before i leave

last but definitely not least

sorry for the recent over-emotional posts, but i can't help it.

So here i go, Goodbye KL, Hello Melaka.

I'm not strong

2009-05-08T17:16:00.003+08:00

I am not as strong as people give me credit for. I always let my emotions get the best of me. I've been through a lot that should have finished me in the last few days. Alhamdulillah, i'm still standing, but it didn't make me feel strong. Instead, i feel horribly fragile ; like one word could shatter me. After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating?

I wish i could be more like him, but i'm not. I don't keep my emotions to myself like he does. People can easily read me, and likewise, i can read people, but somehow, i find it hard to read him. I'd give anything to know what's on his mind, to know what he's feeling, to understand him.

New month, May

2009-05-03T23:38:00.003+08:00

April was not as bad ! Not as bad ! It was true, last month wasn't as bad. This wasn't the end of the world, not again. This was just like one of those roller coaster rides that go up , down, then up again, then way down, not to mention the loopty-loop parts. It was just one hell of a ride, that was all. Not as bad, I agreed, then added BUT BAD ENOUGH!

Decisions, decisions, decisions.... Questions are flying everywhere but the answers are not popping up. I am tired of being torn between difficult decisions!! And who knows what May has in store for me , could there be anymore difficult decisions? Or will i ever find the answers to my questions?
I guess we'll find that out soon enough.

Sunny :)

2009-04-29T00:59:00.008+08:00

Cinta Pertama SUNNY ♥

Sunny… Sunny…
jantungku berdebar tiap ku ingat padamu
sunny… suny…
mengapa ada yg kurang saat kau tak ada
sunny… sunny…
melihatmu, menyentuhmu, itu yg ku mau

*
kau tak sempat tanyakan aku
cintakah aku padamu

tiap kali aku berlutut, aku berdoa
suatu saat kau bisa cinta padaku
tiap kali aku memanggil di dalam hati
mana sunny, mana sunny ku, mana sunny ku

sunny…. sunny…
apa kabarmu, kabarku baik2 saja
sunny… sunny…
begitu banyak cerita, tak habis tentangmu
sunny… sunny…
salamku untukmu dari hati yg terdalam

I'm getting there

2009-04-23T21:43:00.002+08:00

My life’s been a whirlwind of emotions lately. Both good and bad. It's possible that the blazing hot weather is largely at fault, can’t walk anywhere not going nuts. I'm running out of time, I need to get my act up all together, for i am leaving this city soon, to Melaka. I have to spend the majority of my last moment in KL off from home surrounded by good company ; family, close friends, not-so-close friends, boyfriend. I wouldn't want to ask for anything better than that.

So one of the things in my wish list has been granted, which was going to a theme park amid with beloved girlfriends. Despite the extreme case of exhaustion, we had fun, LOADS of fun.
Next stop would be to Tasik Titiwangsa :D

Papa bought a new car , yes, it is another Kia car (I don't know why my parents have this some kind of an IN-thing for Kia cars)

The New Kia Sportage! A beauty , ain't she? But , alas, this beauty isn't mine for the taking, (or the driving), guess i'm stuck with the old sportage car. Ah who cares, as long as i have something with wheels and engines, i am definitely up for it. I feel that my driving is still lacking from confidence , but i'm getting there, oh yeah, just gimme a week :)

Accepted for Matriculation

2009-04-19T01:49:00.001+08:00

:) :/ :(

He's just not that into you

2009-04-16T16:01:00.002+08:00

He's just not that into you

So, yesterday, i went to watch this movie with Mom (I don't know why she has been really interested in watching wayang these days) This ain't really like one of those romantic comedies which were all written with one goal in mind : "And they lived happily ever after". Watching this movie, made me realize one thing -- Love is irrational. The more you love someone, the less sense anything made. And just when you thought that love is complicated enough , oh no, it CAN get more complicated that that.

Having said that , the movie should be better. It's surprisingly flat. I mean, contrary to what this movie wants you to believe ; i don't believe that we're pathetically prone to making the same romantic mistakes over and over again, not all of us atleast. Mom says it was okay lah, probably because her favourite Ben Affleck was in it .

Officially a legal driver

2009-04-09T21:28:00.006+08:00

For the record, i do hate a lot of stuffs. And for some unknown reason, this week, i 've never felt so much hatred in me.

I hate having this feeling like i'm losing everyone.

I hate trying to please everybody, because in the end, they won't ever be satisfied after all.

I hate to know that i can never be freed from this gravity, even if i try, it'll only be a feeble attempt.

I hate that no matter what i said or do, something will always bring me back to you.

I hate the fact that you can hold me without touch, even keep me without chains.

I hate having this feeling of wanting everything , and yet, nothing at the same time.

And what i hate the most is the fact that i 'm missing this once in a lifetime chance of seeing David Archuleta perform in ze flash , here , in Malaysia !! DAMN IT!

Life is unjust , people. or as we like to say it, Life's a B*tch.

But, In spite of everything, there is actually one reason why this week totally kick's last week's ass...

I FREAKIN PASSED MY JPJ TEST !

despite the extreme case of nerves, i actually did it. who would've thought eh? Even i'm surprised with myself. And the thing is, i was wearing my 'Little Miss Lucky' T-Shirt. HAHA. I guess it kinda did bring luck to me :P I can finally possess the authorization to drive in the form of a plastic card. Can’t wait to test the open road. :D

Final Fantasy X Fever

2009-04-02T20:51:00.010+08:00

Final Fantasy Fever

March's GONE. April's HERE. TIME PASSES. EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. Even when each tick of the second hand aches. It passes unevenly, but pass it does -- even for me. Losing track of time was the most i asked from life. Thanks to my current addiction - Final Fantasy X. Oh yeahh, i've got the Final Fantasy Fever... again.

Personally, I think FFX is the best game I've played, with a superior plot, you could connect with the characters and relate, and it ended up tearing your heart out and not giving it back, not in the way of a shitty game but in a way where it reaches out and touches your soul and you almost feel you had lost someone, I was a mess when I first beat this game, I think what defines a great game ending is how it impacts you. Final Fantasy X is totally the best game ever, HANDS DOWN!

Yuna : Will you stay with me... till the end?
Tidus : Not till the end .......... Always.

Now there's a man who knows how to treat a girl. I'm falling in love with Tidus all over again. Too bad he's just a fictional game character.
Sigh* Life is so unfair .

You're just a make-belief.

2009-03-22T23:27:00.011+08:00

SUNBURST 2009'

Me with ze cousins, oh and a cousin's boyfriend

Nidji ROCKED IT!

N. E. R. D

My sumo match with Zackry . HAHAHA

oh yeah, i lost pretty badly

How was it? Well, to my surprise, i actually did enjoy myself there.
Despite the dissapointing artist line-up, they really managed to pull it off.
My favourite of all was Nidji's of course :)
Yeah my first time of going to Sunburst was fantastical, and most probably won't be my last

Happyy

2009-03-21T01:08:00.006+08:00

HAPPY. is the state which i am in right now. I guess i was being ungrateful these past few days. By saying what i did, it's like i'm not acknowledging the people who actually love and care for me. I can't say i'm sorry, that was honestly how i felt at that time. But for what is worth, i'd like to talk about the things which i am happy about right now

I am happy I have you guys. You guys - the ones who allowed yourselves be pulled by me when i was so desperately trying to grab a whole of something ; anything.

I am happy with how my hair is right now , longer & manageable. Now i can start having my vain moments again xD

I am happy to know i have yet another chance to make things better in the future. hopefully.

I am happy that Ehsan's being the ol ' Ehsan again. The Ehsan who calls me everyday even if he 's busy with college stuffs and all, saying "Hehe . I Love you laaa. Comel sgt" and really sound like he meant it . Not the 'hot n cold' Ehsan, the one who treats me so nice at one point, and at the next moment, he's acting like a total a**. so yeah, i wish that he'd stay being like this for always :)

Oh i am also happy that i'll be going to Sunburst with my cousins. But i'm not really into the whole idea of jumping, screaming & shouting along with abundance of pretentious people.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery

When one door closes, two more doors open.

2009-03-14T00:35:00.004+08:00

I know many are idealists, but I’m a realist. Sometimes it is just better to say, “Enough,” and just walk away. Life is too short to either be constantly quitting or unnecessarily pursuing or finishing something…unless the quest is worth the perseverance. Because i believe that when one door closes, two more doors open. I'm not gonna say that i didn't give out my best shot, cause i did. Yes, i was dissapointed in myself, like REALLY dissapointed. Do you know what it feels to have the people you love to be dissapointed in you? It makes you feel like you'd do anything just to make it up to them. The question is , "How?", "When?". I just blew out my chance and who knows, maybe i will never get a second chance . But there really wasn't anything that i can do about it. Maybe i deserve this, or perhaps it is bad karma that has come to get me ; dah tak ada rezeki. Things aren't always as they appear. Sometimes what seems to be the end is really just a new beginning. Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Anyway, I think you've got my point.

I find that the most ironic thing is that when i got home, i ended up watching 'The Pursuit of Happiness' that was showing on HBO. heh.

p/s : yang nak tanya tu, tanya .

Just because i'm losing, doesn't mean i've lost.

Before THE DAY

2009-03-11T23:40:00.009+08:00

Our last care - free moments

------------------------------------

BBQ at Dewi's

-------------------------------------

Outing : KLCC & Pavilion

Say " Straight A's " :P (they actually said that by the way)

Singing our lungs out

Gee & her boyfriend joined us too ;D

I guess that's about it. Yes, TOMORROW'S THE DAY.
the moment we've all been waiting for...
All is left for Allah to decide, we can only hope for the best.

Doomsday is near

2009-03-07T23:00:00.009+08:00

So this week i had my driving lessons for 3 days straight ; Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. It was so-so, quite repetitive though. Of course, already getting the hang of it. The engine only went dead for twice or thrice, which was much less than my first time. I still get a little freaked out whenever i'm driving on the big roads ; apparently, i'm not ready for the real test yet. So, my driving instructor figured that i should have another extra lesson. HAHA. Sounds pathetic kan? ;p My excitement of wanting to drive during those days is suddenly becoming to be a fear. I thought to myself that i might as well not bother about getting a license , maybe i'll just get it in another 2 years or so, at least when i am confident enough to drive. Subliminally, I have made an executive decision that I am going to get over my fear of driving. I don't want to end up being like those people who expects everyone else to be their driver just because they're afraid of driving. I ain't gonna let this fear hold me back in life. Once I finally buckled down and forced myself to do it, eventually it became easier.

Friday ----------- * Futsal (finally!)

Finally, after long - lasting months, we had another one of those futsal togetherness. For some reason, it didn't turn out to be like the ol' days . Usually, we're the ones who end up being the loudest in the sports center, but we weren't this time. I was hoping that it would be like the good old times, but i guess some things can't be brought back huh. Nevertheless, it was descent enough. We had fun .

It used to be a bigger family.

Foosball at Q - ball

Ladies & Gentlemen, it has been comfirmed ! Doomsday is on the 12th of March.
Gahhh, just the thought of it makes me shudder !

Let us all keep our fingers crossed, and start sembahyang balik bagi sesiapa yang tak bertaubat lagi! LOL

Driving

2009-03-01T23:59:00.003+08:00

March is here ... ! How time flies so fast when you're having fun , only in my case, it wasn't fun at all. February was a month filled with nothing but drama, for me at least. Anyway, i just had my first driving lesson on last Thursday. I was already all hyped - up.. I was really looking forward for it. When i first got into the Kancil car which i was supposed to drive, my driving instructor was already in the driver's seat. I smiled at him, he tried to smile back as convincingly as he could, but i'm afraid it wasn't convincing enough. Whatever, i ain't gonna let an old man ruin my mood for this. But things didn't go the way as i had hoped for. The engine car went dead a lot of times, i lost count of it. Ugh, i guess driving a manual car was a lot harder than i had expected. Good thing that it was in the evening, only a few people were there ; less humiliating. "I can do this!", i lied to myself feebly, the truth is, i wanted the 2 hours to pass by quickly. I totally sucked ! It was only my first lesson and already i've lost the will to drive. HAHA. Well, there's always first time for everything.
So my next lesson will be on the next three days straight, which starts tomorrow. Oh, let it be better than the last time please.

Nothing lasts forever.

2009-02-23T00:30:00.003+08:00

In life, people say that is it better to have love and lost someone than never to have loved at all -- because how else can we know how important that person is to us? But even if i haven't lost that someone, i already know that he/she is really important to me. Love can be the most wonderful feeling in the world , but alas, it can also be the most painful feeling cause there will always be a loss. Why can't we just love the people we love without ever having to lose them? Well, that is LIFE, ladies & gentlemen. Life can be so unfair.

Of course, i do agree --- pain is infinitely preferable to emotional nothingness. I can't deny , there were some times i wished that I rather have never loved at all. I'm not the type who can just simply move on after losing someone. There will always be a hole in my heart. The edges may smooth out a bit with time, but it will always be there. What i'm saying here is that i'm not ready yet, at least , not now...

For some reason , my mind have been clouded up with all these the whole week. It' s probably the blistering heat that's getting into me, it has been excruciatingly hot these days. This has prompted Mom even more to go shopping , of course, i had to be dragged along as well. Today; Pavilion. The next day; Midvalley. The following day ; Pavilion, AGAIN. UGH ! Call me crazy, but i can't wait to start studying again. I feel like my mind is so blank right now, it is hunger for knowledge, & i'm talking about education .

There has been rumours going around , saying that SPM results will be out by the end of this month. Let us all keep our fingers crossed , everyone.

My day with the boys.

2009-02-16T00:24:00.010+08:00

To : Sunway Pyramid

With : Syahir Azali, Faris Adham, Hanif & Addlan

the phrase when you look me in the eyes suddenly ran through my mind

Hanif, winning with style xD HAHAHA. gambar mahal beb ~

Pfft , Boys

They came, They skate, They fell xD
except for Hanif, God knows what could happen to the ice rink if he did. HAHA

J Co's

A girl with 4 boys in a car :P

Boy i had a long day. I' m quite bushed right now , so i'll just leave the pictures
to do the talking. Cause all of these just sums up to just one thing --- I had a great time with the guys . And i've never seen Addlan & Faris being so hyper , crazy & all. I was surprised. well, they are BOYS after all .

Hope to really get to hang around with you guys again soon :)

Valentine, Shmalentine.

2009-02-14T20:16:00.004+08:00

It's that time of the year agaiiiin -- Valentine's Day ! The day loved by women and loathed by men, who drop their cash on flowers, jewelry, candy, and cards. Perhaps comic Jay Leno expressed the male dilemma about Valentine’s Day best in one of his monologues: “Today is Valentine's Day—or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!”.

Valentine’s Day is a fun, light-hearted opportunity to lavish love on those around you, but life has shown me that love rarely looks like the front of a Hallmark card. Love is less about flowers and cartoon hearts, and everything about the value of another soul on this planet. I guess that’s a little harder to put on the side of a coffee mug. I will play along this Valentine’s Day, like all the others, and I certainly hope for you to feel cherished on that day. Consider that your own Valentine’s Day – but don’t look for Hallmark to make a card for it anytime soon.

So, how did i celebrate this Valentine's Day you may ask? Well, I had my dentist appointment in the morning, and no, i haven't gotten my braces off yet, no surprise there. The only thing i was looking forward to today, is the Ugly Betty Marathon on Star World. So yeah, I spent my Vday by watching Ugly Betty for 4 hours straight, and then Titanic ; not with my boyfriend, but with the man i love since i could remember, Papa. I never seem to manage to watch that movie without tearing up a bit. Of course, i am a sucker when it comes to romantic movies , after all.
My uncle and his girlfriend dropped by for a while, Kak Finas gave me a rose, which she got it free from Forever 21 (would that make my day be anymore different?). At night, I ended up eating KFC take-aways,

So there you have it ! But as sad as it sounds like, i'm not actually so bummed about it. It's not like i expect that i would be celebrating this Valentines anyway, Ehsan's in Kelantan anyway. It's not like February the 14th is the only day we could show our love and appreciation to the significant other, right? OHH wait till he gets back, then everyday would be my valentine's day.
:)

Playing time is over.

2009-02-07T21:06:00.004+08:00

I had my driving theory test today, which is located at Danau Kota, and yes ...... you guessed it............. I PASSED ! Are you kidding me? Of course i have to pass this test, especially since i had to wait for 7 BLOODY HOURS ! There's no way I 'm going back to that place, the only place where time stands still. People should sue the person who is in charge there. System dia punya la bangang! UGH

January's over, and February's here. Time to get my priorities straight. I'll be having my 8th Grade piano examination in August, and I can't afford failing this one. Supposedly, i should be sitting for the 8th Grade exam last year, but i obviously wasn't being serious about it . Despite that it was my SPM year, i hadn't the urge in playing the piano ever since i failed my 7th Grade. It's not like i'm giving up or anything, but i don't see why i should be sitting for all these exams, unless if I want to get involve in music career in the future. Well it doesn't seem like i really have a choice here now, do I? After all, i've gone this far, might as well take the shots. Dad has been asking me if i really wanted to do this. "I want to do this", I lied. I suck in lying when i have to see in someone's eyes, but i had been telling this lie so frequently that it sounded almost convincing now.

So i was in the MPH store in Great Eastern Mall the other day, in search of any decent books to keep myself preoccupied for the whole week. I suddenly came across with a book which has a familiar cover ---

of course, the Twilight book. I took the book, had a moment of hesitation, and brought it to the cashier. I don't know how or why the sudden urge of wanting to read this book. It never even crossed my mind before that i would be reading this book. I can't help that i love reading romantic novels, especially when it involves forbidden loves. Haha. I finished reading the book within 3 days, so yeah, it was okay. I haven't watched the movie yet, and i really want to see if the movie is as good as 'they' say it is , 'they' as in those Twilight fans that is.. Nah, i definitely wouldn't end up being a Twilight fan even if i 'll enjoy the movie, i don't even think that Robert Patinson guy is really THAT HOT.. sorry, Twilight/Robert Patinson fans. :P

Matt Dallas

2009-01-31T00:52:00.003+08:00

The Oh-so-luscious Matt Dallas :)

Current addiction : Kyle XY
Hubba hubba ! :D

Janda Baik

2009-01-26T01:46:00.005+08:00

I've just cut my hair, and it's SHORT, for me at least. I was so eager to get a trim, to just cut off the split ends of my hair, but instead, I ended up getting a total new hairstyle. Lesson learned : Never let a Malay do your hair when you just want to get a trim. This is exactly why i prefer a Chinese to do my hair . I CLEARLY told the Malay guy "I nak trim, jangan potong banyak tahu", apparently, he did the complete opposite of what i told him to. Ever since then, I have been constantly looking at the mirror every 10 minutes.

Everytime i looked into the mirror, I couldn't believe the rush of emotions pulsing through me.. I felt a sudden intense, dissapointment. That's how i began to cry, it didn't take much to make me cry --- A humiliating tendency. Yes, my hair has the license to control my self-esteem, how pitiful isn't it? What's worst is that i was afraid he might not like my new look , ridiculously, I had all these creep into my thoughts in such short period of time . Sigh *

Anyway, I've just got back from my camping trip (sort of) at Janda Baik with a few of my friends. We stayed at Dewi's step father's resort. The cooling atmosphere kinda reminded me of Dubai. Definitely an idealistic place for a retreat from the hectic city life of Kuala Lumpur. Nothing soothes me more than the sound of the rushing river and the cooling water. We didn't lay back and relax much there. We went fishing, played basketball , futsal , Bbq , and of course, mandi sungai. But the best part had to be when we stayed up all night talking, laughing, in our tents. I love Janda Baik, how she indulges people in her breathtaking beauty. It is indeed a place where one can live in a virtual world created only by the richness of one's own imagination.

BBQ :)

Happy Chinese New Year ! Bring on the angpows :D

The approval

2009-01-20T23:02:00.003+08:00

I thought it would be just one of those mother-and-daughter going shopping kind of day again, but it wasn't. I was in the car with Mama heading to Midvalley, when suddenly out of the blue, "Sara......... Mama dah tahu dah you 're in a relationship with Ehsan." she said with a tone that kinda sounds like "I know what you did last summer". Argh, if there's something i never wanted to hear from my mother's mouth, it'd be those words. The only word i could offer after hearing that is "Errrrrrr... " and I'm not sure if that is even a word. HAHA. As expected, she started to ask questions like a police asking questions for a murder suspect. "How old is he?", "Dia belajar mana?", "Dia anak sape?" and more unimagineable questions. The answers i gave her were all blunt. The entire ride was filled with nothing but utter awkwardness, for me atleast. But to my surprise, she was OK with it. She even asked "Nape tak bawak dia datang rumah?". I couldn't believe my ears, i was like "someone, PINCH ME!". I had, however, invited Ehsan to come over to meet my parents for a few times, but unfortunately, he didn't have the guts to. Well, i couldn't blame him. Anyway, Mom was cool about it. Then she began to talk about her younger days when she experienced those kind of teenage love affair. She mentioned some of those boys' names and all, and from what i heard, she was with quite a number of boys. Well, like mother like daughter i guess :P

After almost 2 years of hiding my relationship from my parents' knowing, they finally knew.
A huge relief i must say. No more having to lie whenever i want to go out with him and stuffs. It's not like i never wanted to tell them about this, it's just that i didn't know how to start with. So i thought it'd be better that they find out about it themselves, and i know that day will come eventually, knowing how my mother is good in checking my personal stuffs. She has been constantly checking my facebook profile using my siblings' accounts. She is probably even reading this very post as we speak. Talk about no privacy :/

I've met almost all of Ehsan's family members, including his maid, tinggal dia je belum meet my parents . But now with mom's approval about our relationship, maybe i will bring him into my house to meet my parents, mane la tahuuu, dah dapat restu, insyaAllah, in another 8 years or so, we'll be talking about wedding belles pulak . LOL.

It's a love story, baby , just say YES

Childhood friend, and still a friend :)

2009-01-17T00:59:00.004+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday , Dewi Shafikah =)

I was experiencing an excruating nostalgia. Back in our childhood days. We were both about 8 years-old when we first got to know each other. But i only knew her as my neighbour during then. Sure, we did have some come-overs to play with dolls and stuff. I remembered she was really obsessed about Westlife . HAHA . She left for boarding school in Form 1 & i never heard of her since then.

By an amazing twist of fate, in 2007, she transferred into my school and we happened to be classmates. I was surprised to find out that the 16 year-old Dewi turned out to be, err, shall i say.. wilder and louder? not to mention CRAZIER ! :P
Well apparently, she and I became closer than we ever were back then. And i hope things will remain that way till we grow old, not just as neighbours, but as FRIENDS :)

I've been tagged !

2009-01-05T20:56:00.002+08:00

Tagged by Allya, Aini & Tiara

Rules : -
1) This tag is only for girls, no boys!
2) Be honest!
3) It must be true!
4) There must be only one answer, unless there is a 'more than one answer'.
5) Must tag ten peeps!
6) No tagging back!

Tags : -
* Shari
* Micha
* Yana
* Mei
* Mee

Personal : -
1) What is your favourite colour?
Answer : All shades of purple

2) What is your favourite food?
Answer : Sushi i guess.

3) What is your favourite drink?
Answer : Milo, or is it Chai ? :p

Guys : -
1) What kind of guy do you prefer? ( More than one answer )
Answer : Someone who doesn't bore me , sweet, romantic, smart, and FUNNY. i want a guy who always cracks me up just like Ehsan

2) How you want your crush to confess to you? ( More than one answer )
Answer : He 'd just tell me face to face. but he should take it slow though, don't rush.

3) What do you want your boyfriend to give you during Valentine's Day?
Answer : Flowers, chocolates, a romantic dinner for two . Surprise me , Ehsan :)

The intrigue and adventure in UAE

2009-01-03T00:12:00.007+08:00

First and foremost, i'd have to say that I really enjoyed my holiday in Dubai. It was beyond awesome. A new experience for me to ever step my foot on the Arabian Peninsula. Dubai is definitely a beautiful city, that explains why Dubai is said to be the most populous city of the United Arab Emirates (UAE). Over the years, booming oil prices helped turn Dubai into a land of opportunity and playground for the ultra rich.

I 've managed to have some short conversations with some of the Arab people there. You know, everytime i told them that I 'm from Malaysia, the first thing they would talk about is none other than Dr Seri Mahathir Mohamad. They'd go, "Malaysia? ahhh, Mahathir.... I like Mahathir."
See how Dr Mahathir had left a profound impact on Malaysia?

The shopping malls in Dubai surely cant be compared to the ones in Malaysia which are always congested with Myspace people (yes, i am talking about Pavilion). The shopping malls in Dubai are all freaking huge. Every shopping mall has Forever 21, H&M (we dont have that in Malaysia), Bebe, Virgin, Baby Phat. We've been going to every shopping malls there is for 9 days straight! I never thought there would be a day that i would get fed up of going shopping. but yeahh, i did. Let me list down the things that i bought. And i dont give a rat's ass about you people nak kata apa.

A swatch watch, 2 pairs of shoes, 1 baby phat handbag , 2 tops, a skirt, a skirt with suspenders (overalls?) a pair of jeans, and shades.

The prices there is no different than the prices in Malaysia, only they have more options of course. I really had the best time shopping in Dubai, but my favourite part of the trip is definitely the part of going to the desert. It was one hell of a bumpy ride. Taking pictures together with your loved ones at the desert while the sun sets, PRICELESS.

Surely it's a gathering i'll always remember. A gathering of the 3 families of Dato' Ibrahim's children, grandchildren, daughter in - laws, which promises a week's worth of good food & good company amidst the surroundings of a new country.

My dad said there may be a chance that we might go back to Dubai again this year, so let us all cross our fingers , yeah cousins? :)

As you all know, it is the end for the year 2008.
I had my freaking SPM, I went for prom for the first time, I had my first year of anniversary with Ehsan, I finished school, and i cherish the days i had with my family, my friends, schoolmates and Ehsan.. all in 2008.
I 've been through a lot of excruciating breakdowns back in 2008, but Alhamdulillah, here i am. It's a new year and i'm still standing, still with Ehsan , and ready with whatever this year has in store for me.

I'll think of you.

2008-12-22T14:06:00.002+08:00

Yes, i'm leaving at midnight. Together with the other cousins. I'm very excited, and yet , sad ..
Sad to not be able to see him more often after this. I knoww, that some may say "it's not like you guys won't be seeing each other again", but it's just different. He'd be busy with college stuffs while i'll be sitting home doing nothing and be waiting for his call or msgs miserably.

I've been thinking a lot about US lately. What will become of us after these few months? Will we still be closer or further apart? I'm being taken over by the fear. If i was still in school, it'd be a whole lot different story. School would definitely help me keep myself busy and not think about him too much. But alas, saya bukan lagi budak sekolah, remember?

So in case you'r reading this Ehsan, which i think you do constantly keep checking my blog updates eventhough you don't wanna admit it, (how strange guys are eh?) , I just want you to know that i'll be waiting.. waiting for your call.. waiting for your return home. And if you ever menggatal dekat sana, you know that i'll find out about it sooner or later. You're the only one i ever sincerely fell hard for. I just had to post this, strangely, I don't like telling you this straightly in person or in SMS.
Aku pun ada ego kan.

I don’t know how were meant to feel anymore

I'll be back on the 29th. Merry Christmas!

Apa lagi ?

2008-12-20T00:42:00.005+08:00

Why must these things suddenly be brought back? Why?
Kepada sesiapa yang nak mengatakan prom tak best, please lah, diam dah lah
Have a heart will you? Kesian kat orang yang bersusah payah organize prom ni like Qayyum , Fifi, Fendy and Syimir. Bukan senang taw nak organize an event like this. Kusut kepala diorang .
I'm sorry it didn't turn out to be the prom like you people wanted it to be, but nak prom macam mana lagi? Memang semua prom macam tu..
If you have your own ideal kind of prom , apa kata you organize sendiri?
Don't be such a wet blanket to try to ruin other people's night because you have your own issues
I'd like to see any of you try to make a better prom

Anyway, i gave him the Arsenal jersey i bought for him for his bday . Without a moment of hesitation, dia terus pakai. It was a perfect fit :) We went to NZ and dia, dengan bangganya, pakai lagi jersey tu. haha. Semangat gila. He said he looked like the footballer Fabregas.

well, i think otherwise sayang :p
gambar tak best :/

Miracles do happen

2008-12-19T21:00:00.002+08:00

Miraculously , Papa got a phone call from Pak Cak telling us that our flight for tonight got cancelled to Monday night instead. And i'll be going along with my other cousins. HAHA. We all have packed our stuffs for the whole day since morning, and i didn't even feel a slightest dissapointment at all. I was happyyyy. Happy that i still have time with him. Mom was furious of course, but who cares?
I know i don't! :D

SEE? Miracles do happen!

Not ready to let him go

2008-12-19T00:38:00.005+08:00

Went karaoke - ing with Ehsan , Dewi and Shahrul at Redbox .
The moment we entered the room, Ehsan quickly snatched a microphone and picked an Indonesian song. He only sang either Malay or Indonesian songs, i remarked to him, why not choose English songs instead . "baru la layan babe, pe barang nyanyi lagu mat salleh ", and that is his answer. haha.
He wouldn't stop singing, Dewi and I only managed to sing just a couple of songs, itupun he was skipping some scenes of the songs because he wanted to save time . Selfish, bukan?
There was one time, he chose a song by Irwansyah. and he said "korang baik kunci pintu, nanti takut ada makcik ingat aku irwansyah". hadoiihh (-_-)
but 2 hours were just like 2 minutes for him. kesian dia . haha

I'll be leaving for Dubai at midnight. I really wanna stay home instead. He'll be leaving for college on the 26th. I wouldn't be back in Malaysia till the 29th. I'm not braced for this kind of situation yet. it's not like i cant do long distance relationships, but i've been in that kind of situation, and its hard . I'm not ready for this, no , not just yet, not when i've just started to have so much fun with him for these past few days. :(

The night i'll always remember

2008-12-16T03:12:00.004+08:00

yes, it was a huge success . despite that i 've lost my mood when i first arrived at the hotel due to the row i had with qayyum, the night was a memorable night :)
There were quite a number of people which i didn't expect that. Couldn't really figure out whether the number of outsiders were more than the number of schoolmates. I didn't care, i was just too busy enjoying the night. I didn't really eat much, with my incredibly ketat dress, you can't blame me. For the first few hours, it was quite boring. I was hoping that something interesting would happen soon. That's when it's time for the dancing. Almost everyone , especially the boys, were on the dancefloor. As you might guess, my girls were the first to make a fool out of themselves. the atmosphere wasn't like in a ballroom anymore, it was like being in a club. Yes, i danced, danced, danced, and danced even when my heels were killing me.

i'd definitely say it was THE NIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS :)

To the commitees who have made all of these to be possible, you guys did a great job. :)
Malas nak type lagi. I'm bushed. For more pictures, check out my myspace .

Flyers

2008-12-06T13:39:00.005+08:00

NEW Prom Flyers, made by yours truly :D
What really prompted me to do so is because of the old flyers that i really didn't like
I decided to make a new one and just give it a shot.
to my surprise, they liked it.
But they were annoyed that i didn't to this in the first place
so things wouldn't be so complicated before. HAHA
I really didn't know i had that in me :)

MARI MARI! Don't miss the night of all nights!
Performances by COUPLE, Dj Fliko, Mercy Mercy & more

Special for you

2008-12-04T13:39:00.004+08:00

Happy 17th Birthday , Mei :D

On my last birthday, you made a post about my birthday & wrote some nice things about me. So in return, let me write some nice things about you :)

1. She is REALLY talented in photography & photoshop
2. Never fails to laugh at my jokes, and boy, sometimes she almost laughed her head off ;p
3. She is a good friend indeed (i'd still say that even if it's not your bday)
4. I like the way she blogs !
5. Whenever i pretended i was mad at her, she really thought i was when i actually wasn't,
and she'll go "RELAX LA MAII" . ahaha hilarious :D

There you go, Mei. again , Happy Birthday and many happy returns to you.
I hope we'll get to meet again, before SPM results come out that is.

Loads of love, Mai <3>

I miss highschool

2008-12-02T21:28:00.002+08:00

The problem with us , humans, is that we never like to talk about our own weakness. We like to talk bad about other people because it makes us feel good about ourselves. and it does, doesn't it? There's no doubt about that. What we don't see is that this only brings nothing but hatred , and could just ruin a beautiful friendship just like that. I mean, who are we to talk about other people's flaws when we, ourselves, have our own flaws? Don't you realise that when we point a finger at someone, three other fingers are pointing back at us? I'm not saying that i never talk bad about other people, yes, i do . We do know, but we still keep on continue with this bad habit. We can't help it, and that 's a problem.

We used to be like a happy family, like during recess, it was like a happy hour. Laughing over one another's stupid jokes. But look at us now, it used to be a one big group, now it has split into 3 groups. Perasan tak? Now, masing-masing dah start awkward semua.

I miss the old days. I miss high school already.

So anyway, i just got back from Park Royal Hotel to discuss about Prom. One of the manager showed us the ballroom. It was HUGE. Definitely loving it, but the problem is there has to be at least 200 people attending if we want the huge ballroom. If it's any less than 200, we'd have to go for the smaller one. It's not exactly that small , but we prefer the bigger one la of course.

Ah whatever it is, I CAN'T WAIT FOR PROM ! it'll be OUR night :D

Who says Love isn't crazy?

2008-11-30T01:42:00.005+08:00

I'm freaking broke right now. Wanna know why? Ok, so maybe one of the reason is because of the last 2days of lepaking, but here's the other reason.

haaaa, gigil tak gigil tangan time nak bagi duit kat cashier tu?
Takpe lah. Sayang punya pasal, i'm willing to take my chances on him.
BUT, in case we'll go on our separate ways in the days ahead,
I WANT IT BACK! and i mean it ! HAHA

Love does make you do crazy things.

Budak sekolah no more

2008-11-27T23:01:00.000+08:00

It's officially overrrrrrrrrrrr! :D
All 10 subjects, 23 papers are DONE

finally, after so many sleepless nights. God, there never was a day that SPM didn't occur to my mind since January 2007.. But now, i can finally rest my head. I'm finally FREE.. well, not literally. I still have curfews you knowww . today's officially my last day of ever wearing a school uniform..unless, i have to go for Form 6 which i highly doubt that's gonna happen. It's too bad that i didn't get the chance to ask for signatures to be signed on my uniform, everyone went vanish all of a sudden. (-_-) The funny thing was when i got back home , Dad called and said "So, seronok eh? Have fun . Jaga baik2 . Jangan balik lambat sangat " . Pfft, as if ! :P

SO, what did i do on my first day of freedom you may ask? well, i went out of course. who , in their right mind, would want to stay home on this day?
I'll just make it short and simple. I, dewi, lina, liyana, qayyum went to KLCC, pavillion and hung out at NZ till midnight. Sadly, Ehsan is still in Putrajaya. grr.. Surprisingly, my dad didn't mind about me getting home at midnight. Hey, it is my first time of getting home late. I had one of the most best days :)
I'm really bushed . Anyway, i've made a list about the things i wanna do after SPM

1. Take driving license
2. Finish reading the last Harry Potter book
3. Hang out a lot!
4. Go for Futsal whenever i get the chance to
5. Finish Final Fantasy X (without the cheat code) ;p
6. Spend more time with Ehsan before he leaves for college
7. Perform on Prom night
8. Perform a piano piece for Ms Yap's Christmas Party
9. Spend more time on the piano for my Grade 8 exam
10. Learn to cook
11. Get myself a new hairdo
12. Do everyday jogging

and the list just keeps on going.. :D

I got the gift

2008-11-22T12:41:00.003+08:00

It’s your birthday,
but I’m the lucky girl,
who got to be with you for another year.
It’s your birthday, and the older you get,
the more wonderful you become.It’s your birthday,
and I’m privileged to share the years with you.
It’s your birthday, and each year
I find the depth of my love for you growing.It’s your birthday, and I look forward with joy
to each day we spend together.
It’s your birthday, and I wonder how I got along
for all the birthdays I didn’t know you.It’s your birthday, and it’s amazing
how easy and enjoyable it is to be with you each day.
It’s your birthday, and no matter what fate has in store for us,
I know it will be a pleasure to spend life with you.It’s your birthday, but I got the gift--
You're in my life for another year.

Happy Birthday Ehsan<3

Until that day comes.

2008-11-19T13:44:00.005+08:00

Papa bought me a new phone
it's the Sony Ericsson K850i
I think the only reason that i'm attracted to this phone is the 5.0 megapixel.
At first, i was down with 2 difficult decisions, whether to decide this cyber-shot phone or the walkman phone, W595. There's no doubt that the walkman phone is definitely more stylish than the cyber-shot phone.. but the only flaw is that it has only 3.2 megapixel. why pick 3.2 when i can have the 5 megapixel right? and since i'm a Camwhore myself. But i did hesitate though. Whatever, no regrets. Now all i need is my old number :) THank you, Papa<3
Once SPM is over, there'll be no more phone kena tarik by Mama. Gahh since form 2 Mom has been torturing me by taking my phone during the weekdays because she thought i'd be too busy Sms-ing and wouldn't concentrate on my studies.

4 more subjects to go, just 11 papers away.

that's pretty a lot of papers for just 4 subjects ain't it?

just my luck

2008-11-12T17:28:00.002+08:00

I'm down with a bad fever!
can you believe my luck?!

thank god Sejarah is over.
3 down, 7 more to go!

Ready? Set? Don't go

2008-11-09T17:08:00.006+08:00

Dr. Noriah AGAIN decided to make one final touch for my teeth. She's really particular of trying to make my teeth look perfect, especially the buck teeth part. But mom and dad weren't convinced. This is like the 2nd time tak jadi nak bukak.. oh well. This time, i chose all the colours which were available :)

Mom won 2 gold class tickets to the new James Bond movie ' Quantum of Solace '. She participated in some kind of a contest at Pavillion. She really never thought that she'd win. Well, after how much she spent in that mall, its no wonder . Mom brought me with her.. Dad didn't agree at first, that's when i did the 'big bulgy puppy eyes' trick. heh works everytime ;p
When we arrived at pavillion, we quickly registered. As soon as we did, the photographer took a bundles of pictures of us. I was quick enough to make a last minute pose . It was kinda awkward though, most of the people were staring. We also had a free dinner for two, a cafe near the GSC .
Our movie started at 9.45pm. It was okay lahh. I still think that Daniel Craig isn't as hot as the older Bonds.

I can't really explain what i'm feeling right now
I feel like i'm ready , but i'm actually not
I feel like i'm really scared, but come to think of it, i'm not.
Blah.

It won't be the last

2008-11-07T13:31:00.006+08:00

Tuesday : Jamuan class was held, a compulsory for every class from form 1 until form 5. Especially form 5s. Our class teacher, Pn Ratna, was probably the only one who was looking forward to it. She said "this year kita kena buat jadi happening". Happening sebenarnyaaa. She turned out to be a real bossy pants. Telling her pupils including ME to rush to the toilet and rinse the cups for the other teachers because we were running out of cups. And on top of that, she asked us to sing the school song for the last time . I noticed some of the 5 Binas were missing, there's no wonder to that. ahah. But over all, maybe i'd just hav to say it was the best. I ate 2 KFC chickens, a plate of Dewi's spaghetti, Naqib's lasagna, Fendy's spaghetti,
a slice of blueberry pie and a piece of banana cake. I'm a skinny girl with a big appetite you see. haha. I have to admit, Naqib's lasagna was deliciously delicious.

There was also some ice throwing going on among the form 5s. Almost everyone was busy putting ice into one another's uniform. It was hysterical! Jeremy was all soaked and wet. Not that its the first time i've seen him like that since he was always sweating. haha.

i saw his nipples that day. hahaa

Cikgu Nazalan. My favourite teacher.
i'm sure gonna miss his teases.

Friday : Majlis Restu . In other words, last day of our school days. The day when the muslims did solat hajat. The day , the form 5s, muslims and non-muslims apologise for all their wrong doings to each other and the teachers. Most of the girls, as expected, were in tears. I only teared up just a tiny bit and it's only because i saw the others cried. haha .

So, here we are. Here's our last chance. It's now or never people.
Our last battle for our teachers, parents, and future.
Let's get this f*cking exam over with!

Caterpillars yesterday, butterflies today

2008-11-02T00:11:00.008+08:00

We’re graduating, and we know
Our lives will be different and new;
We’re going out into the world,
Our goals and dreams to pursue. But one thing will never, ever change,
As we go our separate ways;
The friends we’ve made in school will be
Our friends for the rest of our days. The special ties and attachments we’ve made,
These bonds will never be broken;
We’ll continue to feel the closeness,
Though words may not be spoken. So it’s not "goodbye," but rather "farewell;"
I’ll see you again, my friend.
Your friendship means a lot to me,
And it will never end.

I couldn't have imagined this day to be any more perfect :)
1st Nov 2008 is definitely the most memorable day of my life
It was a total CAMWHORING session for the whole Seksyen 5 students.

Coming out of the cacoon

2008-10-28T01:36:00.005+08:00

Take my hand, take a breath
Pull me close and take one step
Keep your eyes locked on mine,
And let the music be your guide.
now won't you promise me, that you'll never forget
to keep dancing wherever we go next
It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance
even a thousand miles, can't keep us apart
cause my heart is wherever you are
Oh no mountains too high enough, oceans too wide
'Cause together or not, our dance won't stop
Let it rain, let it pour
What we have is worth fighting for
You know I believe, that we were meant to be

Can i have this dance - High school musical 3

If you must know, i think that this is the only song i find myself drawn to from that movie.
as expected, the movie had too much of singing, and i only watched a partial of the movie. yelaaa i know dah nama pun 'high school musical' but still...nothing beats the first movie though. This 3rd movie kinda fits my life now. End of school year , prom and all those stuffs, and maybe the part of having a boyf who plays the lead in basketball, only, mine is a footballer. :P but he isn't as hot as Zac Efron. ahaaha.

Omg, can't believe i'm having my Majlis Tamat Sekolah this Saturday. For years i've been seeing my past seniors wearing those robes, and now it has finally reached my turn to wear those old , puffy-looking robes.

I wish to dance with you like this someday ..

Another year older, but none the wiser

2008-10-26T23:33:00.006+08:00

Surprisingly, i cried today. yes, i cried on my birthday. the day which technically should be the day when all worries are put aside and filled with happiness just on that one particular day. I have been crying a lot these recent times, i know :/ The only explanation i can offer is that i was dissapointed. Dissapointed that it didn't turn out to be the close-to-perfect day as i had hoped for. and from that, i learned. I learned that in life, you can't be too excited or get your hopes high about something, because, when that something turns out wrong, even by the slightest flaw, you'll end up being profoundly emotional.

but when i think about my day in a more optimistic way, it was okay lah.

Family, Mama & Papa, thank you for trying to make this be my special day, eventhough it was only a partial success. They've been giving me bday wishes countless times today. and no more too many birthday kisses next year please.

Friends.. for the wonderful wishes. Mei, thank you for your post about me , for my bday :)

And last but not least, Ehsan. Thank you for coming all the way to pavillion to celebrate this with me, eventhough we've only spent about 2hours together. I really didn't expect that you'd give me a present on this very day, but i tahu u beli last minute ;p He bought me a Guess purse btw. The funny part is when he said "Kalau kitorg break, i NAK balik purse tu!" haha but i know you dont mean that sayang ;p You had always have a funny way of brighting up my day. I dunno what my day would've been without you<3

but that's over now. back to SPM madness! ahhhhhhhhh SCREW SPM!

birthday wishes

2008-10-26T12:33:00.001+08:00

Yeah finally 17 babyyyyyyyyyy! =D

Here are some of the messages i received at exactly midnight sharp.

Dewi : b*tch, happy bdayy. u fucking annoy me sometimes, but heck, u'r my bitch n ilysdfm.
NOT DAT I'M A LESBO, but as a cute fren of urs. hahah. hav a great bday

Liyana : Heyy b*tch! happy sweet 17 saayang! gluck in ur spm n u know i will always
stick wit u and hope ur b**bs will start to grow after this. ahaha frens 4eva! mwah

Sarah : Happy bday olive oil! ahahahahahha

Ipin : Mai!!!! happy birthday! wah2 dah besar da dye. may allah bless u! take care! :P

Fawwaz : Happy birthday mysara. i sanggup xtdo taw. nak wish u punye pasal. ahah. happy
sweet 17 =)

OK lah, memang some of the wishes i get, like for instance, from dewi and liyana.. memang macam sial sikit, and yet .. so sweet! ahah. Ehsan called me 11 minutes later. He used to be the first to call and wish me during my lastyear's bday. pfftt.... Papa and Mama gave me kisses. Papa wanted to buy me a new phone, but i haven't decided which phone i want. Sony Ericsson again i guess.
I will be going out with Ehsan and some of his friends to pavillion.

God...I'm already feeling all jumpy and jubilant now =D

Jealousy kills.

2008-10-19T22:00:00.005+08:00

I am a green-eyed jealousy monster. ahh yes , not exactly as i would call it as an admirable trait which i inherited. I tend to get easily jealous over little silly things , although i'm quite capable of not showing it. but none of this has ever lead to any serious or deadly things .. not as long as i'm below my limits that is. i only did some serious stalking though :D HAHA see what i'm saying ?
I received a message from my VI friend today. He told me that last night some of the guys asked about me. flattered, and also bangga ar jugak en ;p

One more week till i reach my sweet 17th birthday :)

and this is the part when u guys quickly grap ur phones and mark it in your calender xD

When will you realise Maisara?

2008-10-19T00:41:00.002+08:00

Today, i went to 2 different open houses. first, syahir's, a close friend of mine. second, was a guy in VI school whom i barely even knowww. well atleast he's good-looking. HAHA
okay i was getting ready to go to syahir's , then got an unexpected visit from hanif , ganageas & naqib. tiba2 i got a phone call from hanif telling me to keluar rumah. apparently, they have been in front of my house gate for about 5-10 minutes. tak boleh last minute lagi kan. haha.
suka la diorang when my parents gave them duit raya. its worth the wait kan boys? haha
so went to syahir's with the guys. ate , laughed, cam-whored.. yeah typical stuffs that we always do. oh did i mention? Syahir has got a freaking adorable cat! GRRRRRRRRRR

I went to the other open house at 8pm. i was with fila, amy and raimi.yeah..SPM is just approximately 3 weeks away, and still boleh keluar malam. (-_-)
So listen, the moment we arrived in front of Ridan's house (the VI guy), there wasn't a single female in sight. All the guys were already oustide. Talk about all eyes on us eh girls? Awkward much??
The Radin guy was such a sweetheart. Eventhough we barely even had a decend conversation with him, he treated us as if we were like his own friends. Fila asked "mana kawan perempuan you yang lain?" , he replied "i mana ada ramai kawan perempuan. Kira korang je la kawan perempuan i" while smiling from ear to ear ;) I noticed there were over-abundance of trophies and medals inside his house. FIla said that he's practically an expert in bowling. Well, the only thing i'd have to say is that whoever gets the chance to be his gf, must've been a lucky b*tch. haha. So i've made some new VI friends tonight. boy, i've never seen so many good-looking guys in just one place. :D gatal aku neyh.

Oh god, let this be the last time i'll be doing this again.

Just you wait

2008-10-17T23:57:00.002+08:00

I woke up at 10, and i went online after i had my breakfast and shower. just as i thought, myspace mestiiii be flooded with form 3's bulletin posts. macam2 la bulletin diorang..
like

"yeahhh dah merdeka..!"
"woahh party at my house tonite!!"
"PMR has over! let have some fun babe :D" (english broken. agaknya how'd u do on ur english paper yeah?)

yeahh i know what it feels like to finally put all your worries behind and be free. but seriously.. belum habis SPM lagiii. not to mention, you guys who go to Seksyen 5 school still have to bare with dear Pn. Sa'amah for another 2 years. haha.
wait till SPM is over.. that's when the real chaos begins. i should know, coz i'd most probably be the first to make a fool out of myself once i get out of the examination hall when the last paper is finished. HAHA
and the first thing on my to-do list once SPM is finished is to do some spraying on the wall saying

"Sa'amah SUCKS!!!"

I wouldn't exactly call is as vendalisme, but technically, a protest :)

Hopeless romantic.

2008-10-15T14:20:00.003+08:00

I woke up feeling a sharp pain on my upper lips . ahh yes, another ulcer. what are the odds eh? (not like i'm not used to it)
abundance of mosquito bites all over my arms started to test my patience. i take it as a sign to show that i was gonna have another bad day. I wondered why i even got out of bed at all..
That 's it. there goes my mood for the rest of my day
What saddens me more is my trial results. Left me feeling more unsatisfied.. Serves me right for being overly confident and not taking it seriously. Karma 's is such a bitch.
I felt like i was a complete and utter failure. like i'm just bound to fail in this life.
They all imply that i might not last the day.
So i got home with frustration, swallowing me whole again. Grabbed my sister's iPod, listened to some songs that might help make this feeling go away. But no, it didn't. it still lingers inside me.
The next thing i knew, tears come streaming down my cheeks. i tried to hold them back, but didn't work.. And so, i let it all out.

Minutes passed, and that's when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, an unknown number is calling. I hesitated and answered with uncertainty...a very familiar voice replied my "hello".
I know that voice.. that sweet voice is heavenly devine. Felt like everything around me suddenly becomes clear. And even if my house falls down, i wouldn't have a clue. because you're with me now. with just a smile from your inviting lips, brushes all my blues away. I wanna thank you for that. For being the best part of my day, Ehsan.

So, maybe falling in love isn't such a bad thing after all. sure there'll be bumps and bruises not to mention painful heartaches along the way.. but you'd be surprise just how little things are capable of doing.

I'm sorry, but i can't help it. I'm an elite idealist of love. A hopeless romantic :)

Another month.

2008-10-11T23:34:00.002+08:00

Supposedly, today would be the day i'll be taking off my braces. Papa has been eagerly waiting for this day to come. He kept on saying "yeayy yeayy.. Ara nak bukak braces!" in a sort of childish and annoying way. You'd be surprised just how chlidish my dad could be (-_-) When we were just about to leave the house to go to the dentist, Papa rushed upstairs just to get the camera and take 'last' pictures of me wearing the braces. Embarassing much?
But when i finally got there, the dentist decided to let me wear the braces for another month. She thinks that my front teeth still needs to be slightly adjusted. Final touch la ni. You should've seen the look on my dad's face when he heard that. haha. i was a bit dissapointed yet happy that i still have time to take more pictures of my grills. HAHA
I find that wearing braces is fun. Especially getting to choose different colours for the rubbers. ;D

The End is near

2008-10-09T14:17:00.004+08:00

October is here! Which could only means that i'm turning 17 this month. it's on the 26th to be exact. or should i literally say that i CAN wait because SPM would be just around the corner? Looking back, i don't feel like i wanna leave this school yet. A part of me still wants to be stuck in this horrid place for another year. Ironic isn't it? It's like my life is meant to be in this place.

If only life could be a bit less complicated.

Oh and goodluck to you kiddos who are having PMR nextweek. Senang je PMR ;P

Raya

2008-09-28T18:35:00.006+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all muslims and also non-muslims.
Sorry if i ever offended you guys in any way.

Sigh, can't believe it's raya already. Seems like as if the first day of puasa was just yesterday, and now its the first day of raya. How time goes by so quickly. So, my day started off just fine. Woke up at 9 and helped mom in the kitchen with her rendang. Papa and muqriz went to buy some lemang. What i like the most about Raya is the smell of the air in the morning when everybody else in the neighbourhood is busy cooking rendang, lemang, and all those sorts of raya food. At noon, we headed to my Grandpa's house at Damansara. . You know, the other best part of Raya (apart from getting duit raya) is the great feasting! yeahhhh..finally, after a month of starvation ! well , almost a month for me ;p
At about 4, we went to the cemetary to visit both of my grandmothers' graves. For some reason, i don't like going to cemetaries. I know its not a nice to thing to say like that but I just find it to be rather sinister. What happened was, i was at the age of 12 when i accidentally stepped on a grave which i personally dont tink it was my fault because there wasn't any tombstones or rocks around it. And right after that, i had demam panas for 4 days. That haunting experience left a profound effect on me since then.

Later, we went straight to my cousins' house. & yeah, we camwhored a lot today.
So, thats it for my first day of raya. tomorrow, i'm heading to johor to see my great-grandmother and some other relatives to which i dont remember all of their names.

I wonder how your day has been over there....

Hell of a night

2008-09-25T22:22:00.002+08:00

Boy, i had one hell of a night. So, supposedly i'd go for sembahyang terawih at school tonight ,it was my intention to do so , yes. Unfortunately, right after breaking fast there, i heard a voice saying "WEI, jom aa gi NZ". Somehow, i had a hinch that i was gonna be dragged along. I was like "weii... takkan la skang? nak gerak skang ke?", but the only reply i get was "cepat la diorang dah pegi dah". I hesitated for a minute or so, but obviously they wouldn't take 'NO' for an answer.
Hanif insisted Liyana and I to go there by his car.. only to find out, he was going to race with Addlan's car. I was wearing my seat belt throughout the entire ride. Not to mention, screaming my lungs out. Hanif tu memang tak boleh drive laju lagiiiii... bawak anak org lak tu, ANAK POLIS . I was talking about liyana of course ;p Oh ya, jumpa Ehsan too. FINALLY, after almost a month tak jumpa. It's been the longest since he came back from PLKN.

When we arrived, first thing i saw was smoke coming out of Dewi's mouth. Yeah dah agak dah. mesti shisha. Liyana was eager to try some. And boy, suddenly the 3 of em went ballistic! We were all laughing like a pack of hyenas. Gelak tak ingat dunia. After an hour, we went for a ride around wangsa maju in Hanif's car. OMG, i found myself surrounded by a bunch of lunatics. Dewi and Lina was shouting "ACHA KAPPAAAAAAA" (whatever that is) whenever they set their eyes on a passer-by. So kids, jangan lah shisha. It does things to ya. Especially if you'r already a blundering wacko. haha
for a very long time, i've never had such crazy night. for once, SPM wasn't in my mind. hell yeah. feels good to let it all out. Too bad i didn't bring my camera though.
Bila la aku nak taubat ni ye?

Mosaic

2008-09-20T23:39:00.024+08:00

1. Picture 032, 2. "What? Sushi? What is it?", 3. genting 030, 4. purple bangle, 5. David Archuleta, 6. Liquid Happiness, 7. Paris, l'amour..., 8. Valrhona cocoa brownies, 9. First Visit with the Dentist, 10. Who needs DRUGS when there's MUSIC, 11. Baa, Baa Black Sheep, 12. Aleysha Maisara

Answer each of the questions below. Surf over to Flickr and type your answers into the search bar. From the choice of pictures shown only on the front page, click on the one that moves you. Once the page with your picture opens, copy the URL. Surf over to the Mosaic Maker, set up your mosaic, and paste your URLs. Click Create. Voila!

The Questions

What is your first name?
Maisara.

What is your favorite food?
I have always love food. In fact, i LIVE to eat. I like to try different varieties of food every week. So, it's not really easy for me to pick a favourite. But since it's been weeks since i've had sushi. I'm definitely craving for sushi right now.

What high school did you attend?
SMK Seksyen 5 Wangsa Maju

What is your favorite color?
All shades of purple

Who is your celebrity crush?
The oh-so-almost-perfect David Archuleta :D

What is your favorite drink?
Refreshing Mocha Frap

Where would you go on your dream vacation?
Paris, combination of fashion, food and romance

What is your favorite dessert?
I don't recall of having any favourite dessert, but i'll just go with Brownies.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Ugh, here we go again. I'll just make it short and simple. It's either an engineer or an orthodontist. but I think I'm more to Dental.

What do you love most in life?
Music, yes. Cause everything in my world revolves around music

What is the one word that describes you?
Different. Sometimes, i feel like i'm the black sheep in the family. but that's how i like it to be. different from others.

What is your Flickr name?
Maisara Mustaffa. but i only have a flicker just because it's easier for me to show the pictures to my friends in flicker than in MSN.

2008-09-18T13:41:00.010+08:00

6 subjects down, 4 more to go. so far, trials was ok EXCEPT for my addmaths paper. I was having a real hard time on paper 2. whatever, SCREW ADDMATHS. So lastweek, mom received an invitation to BEBE's Fashion Show at Pavillion for thier new season collection. Since, i haven't been to a fashion show before , mom wanted to bring me and my sister along. Bebe has been a long standing brand that many have always admired - both for its whimsical style and for its price. and yeah, memang expensive. Personally, something about bebe's style is different from the other brands. The "bebe look" carries a signature hint of style, whimsy and sensuality.. the styles that i often find myself drawn to.

Here are some of the photos i've taken.

the runway

one of the models

laki ke perempuan wei?

i like her the best

okay , so i didnt take much photos. too busy watching the fashion show. haha. i dont have to elaborate more about the fashion show. enough is said by the photos. ;)

stuck ups

2008-09-14T01:03:00.002+08:00

okay, first of all, how am i supposed to finish the school leavers in time when you guys wont even lend a hand??? damn, sume nk harapkan i dgn liyana je. like hello, i've got my own problems to deal with lah, at least tolong la skit, bagi idea pun jadi la. but yang ni, make things go the other way round. i even spared half of my study time on this. sheesshhh....

Sacrifices will pay off later on

2008-09-06T22:53:00.007+08:00

I might be writing this out of depression, the kind of depression that drops you into a never ending black hole. You want to get help, but you can't. when you do, you wish you didn't. It has taken over me, it consumes me. My parents have high expectations towards me on my studies. I can't afford to disappoint them this time. And so, this feeling eventually leads to stress. NOW, i have never been so stressed . Trials is just around the corner, and not to mention,i've been working my ass off on my class' School Leavers. I sometimes get so caught up in issues and i tend to do more than i can. Then, i remembered reading an inspirational poem a few days ago. An inspirational poem to bring stress relief by reminding us because of what we don't have, because of our mistakes, and because of difficult times, we do have a lot to be thankful for. It made me realize that because of my limitations, they give me opportunities for improvement.
So from this day onwards, I'll find a way to be thankful for the difficult times and the troubles i've been through, and maybe they can become my blessings. Who knows, maybe those sacrifices will pay off later on. It's just a matter of time..

so much for Merdeka

2008-08-31T23:07:00.000+08:00

It's Malaysia's 51st merdeka day. I noticed that this year's celebration wasn't as big or as grandly compared to last year's. so you wanna know what i did today?
i freaking studied! oh yes, so much for 'Merdeka' eh? So technically, freedom doesn't really mean 'free'. I'm still SPM's prisoner. In my case, the real Merdeka starts on the day SPM ends. yeah that'll be the day.
so as you know, tomorrow's the first day of fasting month. & i'm determined not to leave out any..
i guess that's all before i start to type crap stuffs again.

Final countdown : 70 days left

Bring on the thunder.

2008-08-30T00:37:00.005+08:00

Another year, another merdeka celebration at school..only this time, it's my LAST merdeka celebration. wow, cant believe my 11years of celebrating merdeka at school has finally come to an end. i figured , since it's my last, i should really make the best of it.. ramai gila f5 didnt show up today, i'm not surprised.. the performances were ok. my favourite one was when a f3 chinese girl sang the acoustic version of a patriotic song, and she played the guitar.. it just left me in awe!

anyways, i just got back from Avril Lavigne's concert.. despite that it was drizzling (what a way to start a concert huh), it was AWESOME. me and my sister arrived at the stadium at 8. supposedly the show starts at 8.45, but it really started at 9.15. no matter, it was so worth the wait! the lights all suddenly went off, and BOOM! out came Avril singing her first song, 'girlfriend'. (soooo predictable).
she really knows how to communicate with her fans. she sang the songs from her latest album and also the ones from her first album. and it just so happens that , my sister and i, know the lyrics to almost all of those songs.. so we sang throughout the whole show, and i guess the people at the back was slightly annoyed by it.The thing is, some obviously uninformed people seem to have this impression of Avril as the guitar-trashing-punk rocker.Those people who opposed to it would be embarrassed to know that the concert didn't have any elements of punk or whatsoever.

oh did i mention? a chinese lady, who looked like she was in her 20's,was sitting beside me. She offered me a poster of Avril Lavigne, but i told her that i already have one. then she replied with a smile on her face saying "by the way, you sing very well aa". EHEM EHEM . i dont mean to brag or anything.. i just wanna share what i've experienced there with you people . haha. no kidding, ask my sister, she's a witness! outside the stadium, a cute stranger asked for my phone number. but too bad for me, i'm the loyal type. dammit, hope you're happy Ehsan.
bottom line : it was my first time to have been to a concert, and i really enjoyed it :)
and surely it wont be the last. there are more concerts to come, calling out my name..and i most probably will be there, after SPM that is...

current addiction : Boys like girls - thunder

Empty.

2008-08-24T09:58:00.003+08:00

You said that you 'll never make me feel lonely,
but yesterday, i've never felt so lonely.
You said that you'll always be there for me,
but where were you yesterday when i needed someone?
You said that you'll be my guardian angel,
but guardian angels aren't supposed to be doing this to me.
A strangled smile fell from my face
& the worst part is that you didnt even know.
Talk is cheap, but i'm still holding on to your words, because i still believe.
Prove to me that you're not like any other guys..

Holidays are over and it's a school day again tomorrow..
Dont even bother to ask me how my holidays were.. with trials before me, sigh*
i feel so empty now.

Final countdown : 77 days left

coincidence, maybe.

2008-08-21T21:56:00.009+08:00

5 Bina's class party was held today at Station Kopitiam, Wisma MCA. It was my first time to go the restaurant, & it'll be my last for sure. My so-called 'Prawn Tomyam Soup' only had 2 tiny , pathetic prawns in it, not to mention, the soup was too salty. & Liyana's 'chocolate pudding' seems to look somewhat like a dadih. We immediately burst out laughing when we caught the sight of it, completely and utterly ignored the waiter who was staring at us, feeling all confused. (he was kinda cute by the way) ;P

Check this out,

JANUARY BABY

Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions.
Takes time to
recover when hurt... Sensitive. Down-to-Earth.
Stubborn.
Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet
someone new in 8 days that will perfectly
balance your personality.

FEBRUARY BABY

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble
Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals.
Loves
freedom.. Rebellious when restricted.
Loves
aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.

Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things.
Loves making friends
but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure.
Romantic on the
inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone
new and realize that you are a perfect match.

MARCH BABY

Attractive personality. sexy.
Affectionate Shy and
reserved. Secretive.

Naturally honest, generous
and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions.
Tends to bottle up
feelings.
Observant and assesses others.
If you
repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your
new love in 8 days.

APRIL BABY

Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous

Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool.
Kind and
sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal.
Does
work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous.
Good
memory. Clever and knowledgeable.
Loves to look
for information.
Able to cheer evryone up and/or
make them laugh.
Able to motivate oneself and
others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper.. Bubbly personality. Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy.
Loves sports, music, leisure and
traveling.. Systematic.. hott but has brains.

If you
repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye
will introduce themself and you will realize that
you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

MAY BABY

Stubborn and hard-hearted.
Strong-willed and
highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation. Shy towards oppisite sex.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain).
Loves to
dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck.

Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing.

Loves
literature and the arts... Loves traveling.

Dislike
being at home. Restless. Not having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited.

If you repost this in the
next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone
you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.

JUNE BABY

You've got the best personality and are an
absolute pleasure to be around.

You love to make
new friends and be outgoing.

You are a great flirt
and more than likely have an a very attractive
partner. a wicked hottie.

It is also more than likely
that you have a massive record collection.

You
have a great choice in films, and may one day
become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you
will meet someone that may possibly become
oneof your closest friends, if you repost this in 5
minutes.

JULY BABY

Fun to be with. Secretive.

Difficult to fathom and to
be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.

Easily
consoled. Honest.
Concerned about people's
feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.

spazzy at
times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally.

Sensitive
and forms impressions carefully.

Caring and
loving... Treats others equally.

Strong sense of
sympathy. Wary and sharp.. Judges people
through observations. Hardworking.

No difficulties
in studying. Loves to be alone.

Always broods
about the past and the old friends.
Waits for
friends. Never looks for friends.
Not aggressive
unless provoked. Loves to be loved.
Easily hurt
but takes long to recover.
Repost this in the next 5
mins and your reputation will boost someway in
the next 12 days

AUGUST BABY

outgoing personality. takes risks.
feeds on
attention. no self control. kind hearted.
self
confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to.
has an 'every
thing's peachy' attitude. likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted.
Hates
not being trusted. BIG imagination.
loves to be
loved. hates studying. in need of 'that someone'.
longs for freedom.
rebellious when withheld or
restricted. lives by 'no pain no gain' caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious.
'charming'
or 'beautiful' to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.

repost in 5
mins and you will meet the love of your life
sometime next month.

SEPTEMBER BABY

Active and dynamic. Mysterious. Bottle up the feelings.
You won't ever know what's going on in their heads, except for the chosen few.Decisive and haste but tends to regret.
Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Always busy in finding ways to relieve world's problems,
but during this they tend to neglect themself.
Near and dear people
should see to it that they don't forget themself completely
while caring for others all the time. Brave and fearless.

Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous.
Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional.
Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory.
Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.

Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand.

if you do not repost this in the next 5
mins, someone very close to you will become mad
at you in the next 8 days.

OCTOBER BABY (ME)

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them.

Loves
to takes things at the center.

Inner and physical
beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend.

Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly.

Brave and
fearless. Always making friends.. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated.

Does
not care to control emotions. Unpredictable.

Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND
sexiest of them all. (ehem ;p)

repost this in 5 mins or you will
not meet the love of your life for 10 years.

NOVEMBER BABY (EHSAN'S)

Trustworthy and loyal.

Very passionate and
dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.

Sexy and mysterious.

Everyone is drawn towards
your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive.

Very emotional
and temperamental sometimes.

Meets new people
easily and very social in a group.

Fearless and
independent. Can hold their own.

Stands out in a
crowd. Essentially very smart.

Usually, the
greatest men are born in this month.

If you ever
begin a relationship with someone from this month,
hold on to them because their one of a kind.
(coincidence??)
repost
in 5 mins & you will excell in a major event coming
up sometime this month.

DECEMBER BABY

This straight-up means ur the most good-looking
person possible... better than all of these other
months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic.

Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.

Impatient and hasty. Ambitious.

Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with.

Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand.

Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know.

Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken.

Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind.

Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best.

Temperamental. Funny and humorous.

Loves to
joke. Good debating skills.

Has that someone
always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.

Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding.

Able to show character.

one guy/girl kind of
person. Loveable. Easily hurt.

Prone to getting
colds. loves music. pretty/handsome.

Loves to
dress up. Easily bored. Fussy.

Seldom shows
emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.

Sensitive.

[A hott new guy/girl will catch your eye
& you will catch theirs too in the next 6 days, if
you repost in 5min]

So Which Baby Are you?

Malaysia still boleh

2008-08-19T22:10:00.017+08:00

2 days ago, Malaysian shuttler Lee Chong Wei lost to Lin Dan of China in the men's single badminton final. & Malaysia's hopes of a first-ever gold medal in the Olympics were dashed. I watched the match at home with my dad. and let me tell you, it wasn't a pretty sight at all. Chong was losing pretty badly . Couldn't blame him though. I mean, c'mon...the Lin Dan guy is practically much more muscular compared to Lee who's just as skinny as I am. Despite Lee's loss to Lin Dan in straight set, it was a gallant effort by Lee who became the first singles player to have won a silver medal in the Olympics. He put up a good fight not for the RM1million that he was promised, but for his fighting spirit (atleast that's what I think). I'm just proud that Malaysia managed to even reach this far. Don't worry Lee, we will always be cheering for you, the whole Malaysia :)

Posto, baby

2008-08-16T22:03:00.012+08:00

OH, Finally!
I now officially have a blogger account. actually, i already did have one back when i was 13, my cousin was the one who insisted me to have one. well obviously, blogging wasn't my thing back then. Last night, as usual, i didn't have anything else better to do besides logging into myspace so i decided to take a quick peak at my brother's blog. but then i ended up looking through my younger sister's and my cousins' too. i figured maybe blogging would be an interesting thing to do.
oh why didnt i just start blogging earlier? it just had to be this year, which is the year i'll be sitting for my SPM... and to think that my trials is just around the corner. pfft... whatever. no use of feeling guilty. i finally made one anyway. so might as well make the best of it . and oh boy, did i have a hard time trying to make this blog.

so first thing's first, today is just like any other saturday. holidays just started, but too bad i'm not having any of those holiday spirit. as you know, my trials is starting on early of next month. so i reckon i'd be spending my holidays by studying =/ and yes, i managed to study physics' electromagnetism today.
later that evening, my family and i went to Leisure Mall to get my brother's new spectacles. had lunch at Kenny Rogers then later had some Baskin Robin's ice-creams. Mom suddenly had the urge to go to Pavillion. god, hasn't she had enough of that mall? i guess not, since she happens to be the shopaholic in this family, and BELIEVE ME, no other mom can be as shopaholic as she is.

Dad, myra and muqriz went to Lot 10 instead, while i had to follow mom to do all her shopping. Dad bought 2 tickets for the Avril Lavigne's concert here in Malaysia on the 29th of August. Myra, being the spoilt brat in the family, was the one who told Dad that she wanted to go to the concert in the first place. and Dad, who just keeps spoiling the spoiled brat, agreed to let her go to the concert. and I, being the eldest among the siblings, had to jaga her at the concert. pfffffft. this would be the first time for the both of us to go to a concert. and like I'm 17, and she's not even 11 yet until next month. pffffffffft....

well, running out of ideas on what to write. guess that's all for my first post. haha.